I remember it clearly, walking into the paediatrician’s office for the first time, clutching our first baby carefully as I nervously pretended I knew what I was doing in my new role as mother. We had met our daughter’s paediatrician whilst still in hospital soon after her traumatic birth. She had been in special care for low blood sugar and procedure meant any baby in special care required a follow up within a few weeks of being discharged from hospital. I like to do things by the book so if I was told my baby needed an appointment I made the appointment. Heck, if I was told to travel to outer space to collect moon dust to help her sleep I would have gone to the moon, or at least attempted to.
He looked at me as I stood before him, crying baby in my arms, me rocking her precariously as I reassured us both everything was okay. After a short talk and checking our baby our paediatrician queried, “Do you use a dummy?” I shook my head. Apart from doing things by the book I also wanted to be a ‘natural, go with the flow’ mother, but my anxiety over getting everything perfect for our daughter was preventing my ability to remain calm and relaxed. The questions continued, “She breastfeeding?” I nodded. “Any formula?”. I shook my head. He probed how often my baby fed, “Whenever she is hungry?” I replied thinking to myself I mustn’t get the answers wrong, I need to prove I’m a competent and capable mother whilst also silently admitting that when I really thought about it, she must be hungry all the time because she really did seem to feed all the time. “You are a big dummy!” was his conclusion. Feeling a little shocked I managed to force a smile when he chuckled as he continued “Your baby is using you as a dummy. You are the biggest dummy there is”. Still unsure if I was following him correctly I looked a little bewildered at him, my eyes begging for some advice I could actually use. He must have sensed my helpless state as he went on to suggest we invest in some dummies to help her sleep.
Going to the supermarket looking for dummies can be quite daunting first time round. There are so many different types, some even claiming to be “orthodontic approved” as if reassuring us that if we spend the extra $5.00 per dummy our kids won’t need braces one day? I grabbed a bunch, pink of course, and went back to the safety of our home. That night my husband paced about with our tiny baby swaddled with love. Her face was pink as she wailed at him. My husband offered her the dummy….again…and again…and again… We looked at each other puzzled, now able to talk through thought as we were so sleep deprived we could not waste any energy on actual verbal communication. She can’t be hungry, she just fed. I indicated holding my breasts and shrugging. I don’t know, I’ll keep trying with the dummy I suppose, my husband indicated with a raised eyebrow and a shrug of the shoulders (unless he was in fact thinking I was offering him something else as I had just groped my breasts and perhaps he was actually indicating something else?). Suffice to say, the dummy didn’t work…at first.
Within a few weeks we landed ourselves at sleep school where our baby learnt to sleep…with a dummy. We had learnt the fine art of picking a dummy our baby was sure to love. It was not the colour, nor the brand or the outlandish claims its designers made that mattered. It was the shape. We learnt that cherry shaped soothers were easier for babies to hold in their mouths and once we found a particular type our baby liked we must have bought out most of the stock in the local shop. We leant how to sterilise the dummies, and how to use them to help our baby, who previously cried 24/7, to sleep peacefully and wake happily. There was one rule though that we were told we must follow; only use the dummy for sleep! This is all good in theory, the dummy becomes a sleep association and soothes baby to sleep, but in reality when out and about with a screaming baby, plugging them with a dummy can give immediate relief from their high pitched wails and concerned looks of onlookers.
When pregnant with our second baby we decided to try to ditch the dummy before the impending birth. However our now toddler had very different ideas. We tried everything; cold turkey, reasoning, trading the dummy for a new toy (which required lots of fake winks at the toy shop lady as I tried to pretend to our Miss 2 that we had struck a deal to trade all our dummies for a toy), more bribing and the list went on. Our toddler was and still is a stubborn one. So when our second baby arrived our toddler still had her dummy. I vividly remember checking in on her at night as I always do and thinking it so sweet that in the midst of her falling asleep she had somehow lost her dummy as she lay there so peacefully. I would gently stroke her hair and kiss her forehead then as I turned to leave, out of the corner of my eye I would see her move her hand from under the blanket to reveal a pacifier that she proceeded to place in her mouth as she began to suck contentedly on that blasted dummy! My husband and I would go into her room a few times each night and remove the dummy, usually placing it within her cot so she had access to it if she needed it, but sometimes taking it away completely. We were concerned it was bad for her teeth and as she neared two we felt it was time for the dummy to go. But somehow she always managed to wake with a dummy in her mouth.
At present we have three kids, and only one still has a dummy. Our first child finally gave in and quit the dummy earlier this year, much to our delight as we had greater hurdles to overcome with this stubborn Miss 3. Our new baby refused the dummy, my husband finally admitting I was right to not push the dummy with him as we are desperately trying to get our Miss 2 to give up her dummy. The dentist informed us a few weeks ago that her cute overbite which makes our Miss 2 look ever so cheeky isn’t being helped by the dummy. He advised we get rid of it pronto, but not in a traumatic way that might induce thumb sucking. Hmmm, we might have to be creative here. We have tried to convince her the dummy is only for bed time, but she knows exactly at what pitch she must scream to make me crumble and give in. I’ve tried tricking her back by offering a much smaller dummy than she is accustomed to, one made for newborns instead of toddlers, but again that high pitched cry comes in and whilst I can resist it at home, when out it is a lot more difficult.
So I continue to buy her new dummies as they seem to disappear. Our house clearly has a black hole somewhere where items go into hiding for no apparent reason. Toys and dummies get lost easily around here. But the other week I noticed something strange. Why after just buying a new packet of dummies did my Miss 2 now have 4 dummies sitting on her bed? Where did they come from? Sometimes she will walk out of her room smiling beneath a dummy, drool spilling onto her top and I will remove it reminding her “Dummies are for bed” or “Yucky Dummy”. She usually replies “Yes, yucky dummy” in her sweet angelic voice then turns around and goes back into her room only to emerge with another dummy! Now I’m curious, I do clean my girls’ room regularly, including tidying up their belongings that they love to display on the floor and under their beds, but I don’t often come across stray dummies. Then a few nights ago, when in her attention seeking sleep avoiding repertoire our Miss 2 threw her dummy from her bed for the fifth time and I refused to retrieve it for her a strange thing happened. As I was leaving her room she quietly hopped out of her bed and tiptoed to the pink chair that sits below the window. She mustn’t know that I, as all mummies do, have eyes in the back of my head. I turned in just enough time to see her retrieve a dummy from under the chair cushion. She quickly climbed back into bed then retrieved another dummy that had been wedged between her bed mattress and the wall. How many dummies does this kid have hiding in here?
Retelling my husband the series of events that had unfolded surrounding the dummies I realised what was happening. My sweet Miss 2 was running a dummy syndicate! And now I truly was the biggest dummy as I hadn’t realise this until now. Perhaps she had even been providing dummies for her big sister who had recently quit her dummy addiction? She certainly was talented in hiding dummies. And now suddenly as her hiding spots were revealed we have a surplus of dummies. It seems our Miss 2 knows the exact location of every dummy that we have in our house, even ones in the car. She has been the mastermind of this dummy operation, probably laughing at our futile attempts to wean her off the plastic contraband. And as it happens, yesterday we were sitting in the waiting room of the same paediatrician who recommended dummies to us years ago. Miss 2 was caught sneaking our desperation dummy from my nappy bag as it is placed in there for desperate times. She attempted her arm bending high pitched request and I folded. Another toddler toddled over to look at our Miss 2 now happily sucking away at her dummy whilst sitting in our pram. “Me!” says the little girls pointing at the dummy. Her parents call her back to them, telling me she must see the dummy as she has one too. I reply, “I hate the dummy”, feeling deflated in our efforts to rid it from our household. The other parents quickly look away as if I have insulted their way of living. I sigh, today the dummy has won, but one day we will be without dummies and forgetting to pack one won’t spell disaster for our outings. But I realise that when the dummies are all gone it will also signal another phase of parenthood, where our kids have grown much older, and so I think maybe it isn’t such a bad thing that our darling Miss 2 has such an affection for her dummies. And as I relax into my role as a “trust your own instincts” mother I thinks its okay she has the dummy, perhaps braces will scare away the boys during adolescence. And then I wonder what line of work she will one day end up in…hmmmmm….
I would love to hear your dummy stories, or any tips to get rid of the dummy. How did you get rid of the dummy? Do you have a dummy syndicate in your household?