It’s an exciting time having a baby, and it’s not just a new and special experience for the parents. There are some other people involved, they are a bit older, often come in pairs, and have already had some on-the-job parenting training, all be it a little dated. A new baby in a family is also a unique and special time for the Grandparents.
Now it’s come to my attention, through my experience with my children’s grandparents and general observations of other grandparents, that there are many different types of grandparents. There’s the All-In Grandparents; you will often find these doting grandparents racing around after their grandchildren at the park or splashing about with them in the pool or at some other kiddie haven playing with their grandkiddies. There’s the Longing Grandparents; these are the grandparents who aren’t quite grandparents yet. They often invite themselves to their friend’s grandkids celebrations and are usually quite useful as they love the time shared with available grandchildren. They are waiting for their job title to be made permanent and not just be fill-in grandparents to their friend’s grandkids.
Next there are the Distracted Grandparents. These grandparents have simply got too many other wonderful things going on in their lives to be overly involved with their grandkids. They do love their grandkids, but yearn for their paid work, their lawn bowls, and generally their kid-free freedom. Meddling Grandparents are ones to be wary of. Through their great love of their grandchildren, and also of control, they like to ask lots of questions and provide even more answers. “No, she’s not hungry. I know”, or “You put the cream/hat/shoes/hair elastic etc on THIS way” and “That’s not how you bath/cook/dress/insert anything here, a baby/child/adolescent” are among other unsolicited phrases they may coin.
I know there have been days when I have been so frustrated by my children’s own grandparents who seem to be a mix of the above categories depending on the weather. But it is important to keep in mind that whilst you are in training as a parent, they too are in training, as a grandparent. They are also learning on the job and fumbling their way through this new territory. Grandparents are accustomed to being in the driving seat when it comes to raising little humans, they aren’t acclimatised to being placed in the passenger seat and it can be a bumpy ride for them too.
Sometimes things might get a bit awkward as you and they navigate around new situations. It can be easy to make things even more awkward too. For example, you are breastfeeding in the presence of you parents-in law (the other grandparents) and Granny makes a comment, “Well he certainly is hungry” or “Gee, he’s feeding well”. She is obviously trying to make an effort to connect, so you do the same, “He likes my breasts as much as your son did when we first met” (Ahhh! That Mummy Brain strikes again!).
Regardless of the types of grandparents your beautiful bundles of joy have been blessed with, remember they all stem from love for their grandkids. It’s better to learn what skills they have that are helpful to you (cooking, folding laundry, rocking baby to sleep whilst you shower or nap, picking up your preschooler whilst you care for you toddler, making your kids laugh with their dance routines) and praise them for it. Then they are more likely to keep doing what is useful for you and your relationship will be better. And if all else fails, just smile and nod. Just as they claim grandchildren are so great because they can be handed back, grandparents are also great in that way as you can wave them off after a visit too.
