It’s Thursday, and we are edging closer to the weekend when husband will be more accessible in the physical sense to help tend to our children’s every need and demanding schedule of eating, playing, eating, playing, eating, playing and eating some more. Our eldest is at preschool and after enrolling in swimming lessons which took far longer than it should have Miss 3 and I are beyond frustrated and tired. Luckily for Master 15 months old he has seamlessly fallen into a deep and rather lovely looking nap in his pram. I bundle them into the car, careful not to wake baby and as I watch Miss 3 wrestle with her seatbelt, her cheeks blossoming into red roses in angst at the difficulty of the task, I offer her a Happy Meal if she promises to be quiet so baby can sleep. She happily obliges and I help her buckle up and we begin our journey home.
I have thoughts of an easy transfer into his cot for Master 15 months old and an afternoon nap for Miss 3 and perhaps a sneaky chocolate and nap for me also. But alas, Miss 3 bombardes me with questions. “Is we getting nuggets?” she queries in her dulcet voice. “Yes”, I reply. “And chiips?” she remarks. “Yes”. “Is we getting nuggets and chiips now?”. “Yes”. “Where is me nuggets and chiips?”. Stopped at a light I turn around to face her, sitting there sweetly looking at me with her big blue eyes. “We will get nuggets and chips if you can be quiet, so shhhhh!” I whisper harshly. Silence…..”Is we getting nuggets nowwwww?”.
Finally at the drive through collecting our meal, whilst Master 15 months begins to stir, perfect timing as always, I am asked by the staff do I want a girl toy or a boy toy with the Happy Meal. I usually automatically answer girl as if being questioned the gender of the child for whom I am purchasing the meal, but today I felt offended. Why should my children be confined to receiving the toy that some overtly large organisation declares is suited to their gender? I reply I want the unisex toy. The lady stares blankly at me. Clearly she is having a riveting day working the drive through window of a fast food outlet. I request to see both toys to make a decision. The ‘girl toy’ is some weird looking doll in a box that appears to be out of a horror film. It is very pink but that eyeliner looks dangerously Gothic and the facial expressions and clothing look slightly demonic, hardly appropriate for any young child. They ‘boy toy’on offer is a bright yellow car. I choose the car and Miss 3 is very happy with the choice.
It angers me as a parent that my children are categorized from birth based on their gender. Stroll through any toy store and you will see advertising targeted at girls only or boys only across the broad range of items on offer. Baby’s toys come in pink and purple or blue, red and yellow. The pink teethers on offer are even lipstick shaped in some instance which raises even more questions about what society is telling our children they must become before they are even toilet trained. Not to mention the blatant sexualisation of our children which is disturbing to say the least. Is a bright pink vanity complete with “comb, powder puff, lipstick and two bracelets!” claiming to “foster early role play” the best Fisher Price Laugh and Learn can offer for our girls? I find their ideas laughable to think this is appropriate for babies and toddlers. Do we want to send them the message that their role in society is to focus on their external beauty and not build up their character within? And are our boys supposed to be into pirates, cars and noisy tools, allowed to explore their imagination but not consider options outside the arena of thrashing and banging and loud noises?
I have heard more than one mother of boys comment “He’s just being a boy” as I watch their child push another child, throw toys at the wall and generally act like a brat. I refuse to believe this is a valid excuse for rough play. Is there any valid excuse for rough play? If boys grow up hearing this excuse does that mean we will one day have a world filed with men who believe they can do as they please because their actions are excusable as after all they are “just being a boy”? We already have a section of society who believe this to be true, and you will find many of them behind bars.
I want more for my children. I don’t want them to be confined to gender stereotypes as they grow and make their mark on this world. I want our son to grow to be a gentle man who respects women and children and can one day be a caring father and partner. I want our girls to be independent physically and emotionally strong, with their self worth in tact and not dependent on society’s perception of beauty for validation. I can tell you I was incredibly proud watching husband teaching Miss 4 to use a cordless drill to join two pieces of wood. And I love that Master 15 months old is already so helpful with the laundry moving clothes piles between baskets and loading and unloading the washing machine.
Our son is lucky to have two big sisters to learn from. He happily plays with tea sets, prams, dolls and castles as do our girls. My children all enjoy the fascination of dinosaurs and the way toy cars roll and balls bounce. You see I am raising my children to be nurturing, open minded individuals. And I am proud my son pushes a floral pram. It makes him happy and he will hopefully use this skill one day when he becomes an involved father and pushes his own baby in a pram. And those onlookers who seem a bit uncomfortable, what are you afraid of, that he will grow to be a better man than you. Providing I don’t cave to gender marketing for our children he has already outdone you.
I think gender categorization has long been a ploy of the gray suited marketing mavens of Madison Avenue. It makes it much easier for them to design distinctive ad campaigns for their children’s clothing and toy manufacturing clients. After all, the ad companies are charged with assignment that will best enable the manufacturing companies to put cash in their corporate coffers. Gender differentiation does that nicely, I think.
Good thought provoking blog.
We certainly don’t differentiate in our home. Master 15 months was happily dressing up with his sister’s hair clips and jewelry this afternoon. 🙂